okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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