Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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