hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
