My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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