I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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