I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
