I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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