planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
