ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
