I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
