Moan for me like Helen Keller
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
