We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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