Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
