Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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