woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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