K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
What a fucking waste of an outfit
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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