the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
