Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
