he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
