and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
