Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
