It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
