pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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