fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
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Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize