hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
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And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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