Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
