She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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