Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
