Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
