Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
