I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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