White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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