yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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