I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize