he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
