you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
