We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
