just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
