My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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