I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
