dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
