will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
