He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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