Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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