I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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