Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
