My liver just broke up with me...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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