I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
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