I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
