Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
