im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
