It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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