Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
