She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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