Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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