Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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