On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
