every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
