omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
