I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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