Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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