Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
